On everyday of my trip to the beautiful Melbourne & Tasmania, I would take notes in my phone whenever something memorable happened for me. I was scrolling through it and was filled again with the overwhelming magic that happened there. Words cannot express the deep connections, outrageous fun, and faith building miracles I got to experience.
For some reason, about two months before my trip, I began to feel flooded with anxiety about my life and about what I thought was true. For the first time ever I had to wrestle with these questions that I had just never thought about before. Questions about my faith and about who God was made me want to almost give up. I felt trapped and lost. Right before my trip I met with my absolutely glorious mentor and pastor who listened and spoke words of peace and encouragement.
She had no fear about any of my doubt but instead said with a perfect smile on her face,
‘I’m not worried at all. About any of it.’
She then poured into my spirit what felt like a waterfall of restoration and hope. All I needed was someone to unveil the thin fabric from my eyes so that I could see the truth: I was exactly where I needed to be and it was easy to have relationship with God. All my fears and questions seemed so much bigger than they were. I just needed someone to remind me that I was surrounded by God no matter how I felt.
Thus begins my most recent journey! One that has changed my life and made me feel more free than ever before.
Because I am so sensitive and ‘feely’, almost every decision in my life has been made from a place of how I feel. It just comes naturally to me. I feel like crying, so I will. I feel like going shopping, so I will. Usually it isn’t an issue, but lately I’ve realized that my feelings lie! Quite often actually! Those suckers seep through your mind and soul and tell you things like,
‘you should quit because its hard.’
or
‘God is far because you don’t feel Him’
Well frankly, I’m about fed up with boarding the feeling roller coaster. It is absolutely exhausting and it makes the people around me crazy! People always say to listen to your heart but to be honest, the heart deceives us. And in my case, my feelings come on strong…so strong that it pushes away all the deep truths that I KNOW to be reality. And because I am a powerful person, all I had to do was realize it is as easy as saying no to your feelings and yes to believing the truth.
So when someone on my trip said something that hurt my feelings I CHOSE not to get offended. I literally had a conversation with myself. I said,
“Nicole. That hurt. I acknowledge it and I’m sorry it happened. But now we are going to let it go and decide to not let it ruin your day.”
It may sound silly, but it totally worked! I recognized that I always have a choice of what will rule my life. The rest of my trip was absolutely fabulous after that. Every time I didn’t feel like doing something, I remembered the reason why I was doing it and pushed through. When I was exhausted from ministering and felt like I was the worst worship leader on the planet earth, I went to my leader and asked him to remind me of what was true. The more I did it, the more I was able to discern what was the lie and what was the truth.
Of course I am not perfect and I still fall prey to these pesky feelings, but everyday I become stronger and I am happier than I have ever been.
Here are some highlights from my trip:
We had over 400 miracles, signs, and wonders! This includes cancer getting healed, deaf ears opened, backs completely healed, nerve damage completely healed, drug addiction broken, knees being healed, churches being restored, numerous salvations, broken bones coming into alignment, and so much more! The love of God POURED over the people every place we went and it was such a privilege to be a part of it.
I taught a 4 year old little girl how to pray for people and we walked around the church service while she laid her chubby hands on people and said, ‘3, 2, 1 be healed!’ It was killer!
I got to lead worship again for the first time in 8 months!!
A girl at a high school came up to me and asked if I could pray for her back to be healed and wound up receiving her prayer language, weeping under the presence of God, and telling me that for the first time in so long she felt close to God again.
The first day we got to Tasmania, there were 3 girls that got completely healed of back pain (one of which had been stabbed 2 months earlier). Five minutes after we had left them, 2 of the girls chased us down and wound up accepting Jesus in their hearts and were full of hunger for the kingdom!
I received an invitation to go around the world for 6 months in a yacht for FREE with a beautiful couple from Melbourne!!
We went to the beach
We made incredible connections and friends!
These are just a few things that happened in only 14 days of being there….Australia was fabulous and I am SO glad I got to go! (Except for the jet lag that lasted 4 days. Dear heavens I felt like I was going crazy from my funky sleep schedule!)
In 4 days I am going to Georgia with my boyfriend for spring break to visit my future University and see my new home for the first time! God has been so good to me…I feel so blessed to be here and be surrounded by the absolute best people constantly pushing me to be all that I can be. I have only a couple more weeks until this year comes to a close and I go back to LA for the summer.
So for now, maybe think twice next time you hear or feel something that is negative or icky…maybe take a minute before you just ‘listen to your heart’. Definitely travel to Australia if you get the chance, and whenever you are down- find someone you admire to talk to. Lastly, always be ready for change and for greatness, you deserve it!
With all the love in my heart,
R
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